Why am I
so scared,
so scared,
anemone who curls
her curls
when touched;

and why do you think
you know my face,
this face that’s purred
beneath your hand
that’s tried to hide it’s terror
at your childhood tales.

Why am I so afraid
of darkened lanes
bumbling boys in city trains
who tell me I am cool.

Why do I double lock my door
to keep you out
when all you’ve shown is tender care
opened wide your ragged scars
I know you trusted I was there ,
but I was not .

Why is the night so cold,
so cold with painted memories
my small child’s fears
trapped inside this finite skin;
and love it seems so old,
so out of touch,
the same regurgitated words
tripped from the wrong lips.

If I shut my eyes
it’s too absurd
wrong body in right bed.

I’ve heard it all before
how can you mean
that four leafed word
that never says enough .

And who am I ?
A player in your game
an intricate confusion
of the baggage that you keep?

Just hang a halo in my hair
you hope I’ll solve your riddles ;

but they’re not mine
and this fantasy
you make of me
has blown away,
walks city streets
seeks temples of the mind,
where innocence sleeps
and darkness always harbours light
past and future fade in flames
that place where I’m reborn again .

No silent shaper of your dreams
or jaded wordsmith of lost themes
nor hybrid mother or dark hag
wandering Goddess to be saved ,
but a woman proud to bear her name ,

alliterate her peace ,
and live .